Should Schools Reopen? 

The day I found out schools closed from covid is a day I will remember forever. I was sitting on my couch laptop and coffee in hand, finishing up loose ends before my kids got home when an email notification popped up in the right upper corner.The tile, “Schools Closed For the Remainder of the School Year.” I couldn’t physically move or speak, and I sat in silence. My mind raced with thoughts about how my life is going to turn upside down. Whenever the question, “Should schools reopen?” came up, selfishly, my answer was YES. 

Unfortunately, my ex and father of our four boys doesn’t help with the day to day responsibilities.His involvement consists of taking them on weekends he’s free. Because he lives with his parents when COVID became a pandemic taking them on the weekends was no longer an option. The simple unknowns became mentally taxing. Needless to say, my gallery wall became my center focus.

Homeschooling kids in Kindergarten, 1st, third, and fifth grade, to say the least, isn’t easy. Add my job and everything that goes into running a household and it becomes a disaster and unmanageable. As the days went on it only became more challenging and time consuming, creating unnecessary stress.  I had to make a decision. and unfortunately, homeschooling was last on my list of priorities. But why? Let me explain

Should Schools Reopen: If nothing changes, YES

Problems I encountered 

Multiple apps with multiple logins/passwords

Managing three different logins for multiple kids is overwhelming. As soon as you’ve finished logging someone in, another logs out. Writing the various logins for each kid on a piece of paper never worked. They either  ended up lost, destroyed or converted into  a paper airplane. Capital sensitive passwords, inpatient kids, and glitchy apps, you’ve now spent most of your day dealing with logins. The “Should schools reopen” debate turned into, “How can this be mandatory?”

Adding ‘Teacher’ to the many roles already play

Kids in elementary school need someone hold them accountable, keep them focused, answer questions and help them with their assignments. Siblings as their “classmates” and mom as their “teacher” your main goal is simply to keep them seperated. By the time someone needed my help I was short and dismissive from frustration. My eldest learned how to email his teacher, but by the time he would open the reply he was onto the next issue. He never fully resolved the issues from the prior day. I would regularly repeat did you finish all of your work, you just had a snack, leave your brother alone etc. I came up with the modern version of, “I’m tired of sounding like a broken record,” which didn’t get results but at least they understand the meaning.

Zoom meetings

Scheduling and initiating zoom calls for four kids is a full-time job. Making sure meetings don’t overlap, and whoever has the meeting is home and not out riding their bike. I was that crazy mom running around the neighborhood in pajamas at 3 pm. Add wifi issues, learning to mute and unmute, a screaming background, and my work notifications popping up on the screen; it becomes a fiasco.

Emails

I legit think I have PTSD from an over flooded inbox. Four teachers, four-room moms, PTA events, and newsletters combined; keep my inbox full. Enter a pandemic, school closures, and new protocol; it became unmanageable. What ultimately pushed me over the edge was the week of teacher appreciation. I was bombarded with emails, more todos, questionnaires, and amazon wish lists. I couldn’t handle the added pressure of trying to keep up and the guilt of not keeping up. Eventually, it became too much and I gave up.

If I’m not happy, my kids aren’t happy, and that’s where I draw the line. It’s the reason I decided to ask for a divorce. My mental health and happiness take priority, not only for myself but more so for my kids. I talk about making decisions based on your core values in this post.  I had to decide where my priorities were based on the current circumstances. Confident in my decision, I sent an email to each of their teachers letting them know we wouldn’t be homeschooling. 

There’s a lot of truth in the quote, “There’s a time and place for everything.” My kids associate home with play and school with learning. Kids associate school closures with either summer break, snow day, teacher work day or holiday. Some kids may have just learned that the word, homeschool, is a real word. Trying to explain just the concept of homeschooling is foreign to most kids in elementary school, so expecting it isn’t going to be an easy process.

Telling my kids schools closed for the rest of the year, to them,  meant summer vacation came early. Initially my kids answer to the should schools reopen was a big NO. They wanted to be outside exploring, riding their bikes, building forts, finding “crystals” and swimming in the creek. 

I invite you to take a step back and look at the big picture.

The debate whether schools should reopen, close, or go hybrid has been tossed around like a hot potato. Everyone has their personal opinions, which I always respect. I’ve learned that when you judge someone, it has everything to do with you and nothing to do with them. Everyone has their own “why,” which is what guides their decisions and personal beliefs. That’s never for me or anyone to argue. What’s stressful to you may not be stressful for me. Your  mindset depends on what you are capable of handling.

Most of my friends who are moms tell me they feel bad complaining about their two kids because I have four. My response is always, “it’s all relative.” Sometimes having one kid is more complicated than having four. When everything in your life is constantly breaking and falling apart, it becomes your norm, and you learn to fix it and move on.

Fortunately, and unfortunately, this is the first life-changing experience for some families. They may sacrifice their mental health, trying to keep up with the added pressure and responsibility. Learning to say no without guilt is a skill not everyone has mastered.

In the past, mental health wasn’t a frequent topic of conversation and unless you were happy, something was wrong with you.  Today, mental health is in the spotlight.  This creates a safe space for everyone to open up and discuss their feelings. Regardless of should schools reopen. stay closed or go hybrid, mental health needs to be the priority.  

Should Schools Reopen: The Bottom Line

Being married to an addict for almost ten years, I have watched someone become incapacitated due to their mental health. As a pediatric nurse, I became aware of the number of youth deaths from suicides. Getting kids in to see a psychologist had a three-month waitlist, and hospital psychiatric units were always at full capacity. After many traumatic experiences, divorce, and a long journey of self-transformation, I found my passion and that’s to see these numbers be at zero within one generation. 

The amount of deaths from opioid overdose and suicide saddens me. Knowing these numbers will continue rising at a higher rate due to the impact of COVID is my big “why” for writing this post. Globally close to a million people die a year from suicide alone. In the United States, 47,143 people die every year from suicide, and 70,000 die from a drug overdose. Combined, that’s 117,143 mental health-related deaths.

Should Schools Reopen: Bottom Line: Mental health needs to be our number one priority

Based on the CDC, there have been 140,571deaths from COVID. Just in May of 2020, deaths from suicide and drug overdose have risen by 25%. They are suspecting to see a 20 to 30% increase in firearm-related suicides in the next year. Let’s say an average that the numbers from suicide and drug over related deaths go up 25% next year. That puts the death rate for suicide and drug overdose 146,428 people. Let’s say next year instead of going up 25%, it goes up by 20%.  That puts us at 175,713 deaths from mental health-related issues. Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop there. Those numbers are only going to keep increasing for the next 10 to 15 to 20 to 30 years.

The impact of COVID doesn’t end at the death toll. The effects of COVID lie in the state of mind the world is left in. Sometimes it’s easy to become caught up in the now, but if we aren’t looking at the impact it can have on the future, it will create a domino effect. 

Schools not opening will help prevent the coronavirus from spreading, but looking at the big picture, the bigger issues lie in the future. Unfortunately, most of us won’t hear about the increase of suicides or opioid overdose numbers as we have with COVID. If you want to see the number of people infected and the current death toll, all you have to do is open google, and the numbers are front and center. I want to be clear and say the increase in the number of deaths this year is scary and heartbreaking. I agree something needs to change, but if families can’t send their kids back to school, and aren’t provided with an alternative, it will be detrimental for the future.

From what I understand, there have been no changes to how schools (in my school district) plan to provide full-time virtual learning. It’s my understanding there will be occasional zoom classroom instruction and the rest done individually on provided apps/platforms. I think its safe to say, schools are fully aware kids from K-3rd grade need a central focus and someone there to hold them accountable and keep them from losing focus. So, ultimately this responsibility is ours. I have a hard time understanding, considering the circumstances, how they can mandate parents to homeschool? 

As a single mom, I have to make a decision to either work or homeschool. If I don’t work, I can’t provide and if don’t homeschool my kids could fail.  between working in order to provide for my kids, or failing them. I’m sorry, but if you aren’t giving anything other than log in information, 1-hour zoom meetings, and more than enough emails, you can’t put that pressure on parents. It’s simply not fair.

Having a teacher on a screen during normal school hours is manageable. It holds kids accountable, gives them something to focus on and provides real education. Seeing your student logged into a particular app for 30 minutes doesn’t mean they are learning. Behind the scenes, the 30 minutes are spent looking around the room, playing with the carpet and or fighting with siblings. If we look at the big picture, unless there’s 6 hours of virtual instruction Monday-Friday, every child will be behind. Why put our future at risk by mandating homeschool when the results are minimal.

Working parents work to provide. Stay at home parents stay home because they manage an entire household. Some families have the financial means to hire outside help, but the majority, especially now, struggle to put food on the table. If parents are unhappy, overwhelmed, and forced to add homeschooling their schedule, ultimately, the kids become the most affected.

It’s very similar to divorce. When both parents get along and can co-parent effectively, the majority of those kids are happy. Parents who refuse to co-parent, putting pressure on the other parent, the kids become affected. They feel the stress and, in turn, become unhappy and start acting out. What works for some families doesn’t work for others, so there isn’t a standard parenting order. Every family dynamic is different, and giving families one option isn’t fair.

The amount of creativity going into planning this next school year is zip zero nada.

Just like parents aren’t comfortable sending their kids to school with COVID, others aren’t comfortable homeschooling from the fear of going mentally insane. If schools aren’t providing in-home tutors, teacher organized pods, or full-day virtual classrooms, how can this be mandatory? I understand kids will be behind, but let’s be honest; homeschooling, regardless of the family’s resources, isn’t going to be picture perfect.

Why isn’t there an option to opt-out?  In my opinion, elementary schools should cancel altogether until kids can go back full time.  Looking at the big picture, it seems logical. In any case, simplify the process.

Solution

Apps/Platforms

Use one app, school-wide. With multiple kids in one elementary school, depending on the teacher, you could be managing ten plus logins. Use one app per kid, period.

Spirit Days/PTA 

PTA school events; pajama day, wear your favorite sports team baseball cap, spirit days, and or whatever else goes can’t become virtual. They aren’t necessary, and right now, we should only focus on the bare bones.

Staff appreciation week, holidays, and other celebrations.

Teacher appreciation week is what caused me to ultimately message each teacher, letting them know we wouldn’t be homeschooling anymore. I had so much guilt because I felt I was insensitive and unappreciative. I LOVE every one of the teachers and everything about their school. If I could throw a teacher appreciation week party, I would have, but I couldn’t. The guilt plus feeling overwhelmed caused a lot of added pressure that again wasn’t necessary. Focusing on this stuff when school is back in session makes more sense. To have kids make cards, seems simple, but when you don’t have a break with a lot more stress, it becomes very complicated.

Zoom Meetings

For all zoom meetings, just have the kid show up. I understand the curriculum, especially for younger kids, needs to be fun and interactive, but scavenger hunts for a 9 am zoom meeting adds additional stress for families. As a mom of four, I’m scrambling to find out who has the meeting and making sure he’s there on time. Finding items that begin with every letter of the alphabet just doesn’t work.

If the answer is NO to the debate surrounding the question, “Should Schools Reopen?” then we must find ways to KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) 

It’s like everything has changed, but nothing has changed. The only way we’re going to get through it is by following the acronym KISS, keep it simple and stupid.  That means no more unnecessary emails, scavenger hunts, and other crazy expectations. Looking at the big picture, what’s the outcome we are looking for?  My guess, the wellbeing of our kids which means we need to shift our focus to finding ways to keep the parents mentally sane during these times. Its the most direct, indirect way to make sure kids are happy. If homeschooling were easy, more people would do it, especially families who have the ability to travel.  But it’s not that simple, and making it mandatory isn’t fair. If you look at the pros and cons, the cons heavily outweigh the pros. Education is important and positively effects our future, but during these times it can become a detriment to our future. 

Take care of your mental health

In my opinion, mental health is just as important if not more important than our physical health. Mediation is a word I feel is “judged” and viewed the wrong way. For whatever reason, some view meditation as something religious, hippie, or weird. The way I describe it is a workout for your brain.

People work out to get stronger, physically fit, and for all-around wellness. For someone who has never worked out, going straight to lifting 200-pound weights isn’t the norm. We know that if we do, our bodies will be sore, so we start with lighter weights. Most people understand in the fitness industry, going from 10-pound weights to 200-pound weights overnight is unrealistic. The likelihood someone will give up because it’s too hard, is low. 

It’s common sense to know that the more we work out, the stronger we get. Our muscles eventually become accustomed to lifting heavier weights. The same is true for meditation. The first time isn’t going to be easy, it just takes practice. Meditation is simply quieting the mind. Learning to let go of the thoughts that keep us distracted and out of the present moment. Learning to control our minds is just as important as exercising for good health. 

Daily routines, habits, and workload are a big part of what makes up your state of mind. Having our routines flipped upside down out, of the blue,  is like lifting that 200-pound weight, except we keep going. There are no tools to “roll the muscle” or skipping a day at “life” because, honestly, we can’t. We are accustomed to using things we can physically touch. If you had a hard workout, it’s easy to grab a foam roller and skip a day at the gym to recover. Just because meditation isn’t something you can buy or put your hands on doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. Taking deep breaths and letting go of our thoughts, aren’t things we can put our hands-on, but that doesn’t mean they won’t help.

Some of us are capable of managing a lot, without the risk of becoming burnout.  For individuals who aren’t used to the extra demands from covid, will risk sacrificing their mental health because they feel pressured to do the “right” thing.  

My advice to those parents; If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s ok. You don’t have to keep up with the rest of the world. Just like your body isn’t going to look like your neighbors, neither is your mind. When you understand that your mental health is what matters, you no longer feel the need to keep up. Preserve it for what matters, and it starts with yours first. I’ve never read, “The subtle art of not giving a fuck” but I can attest to the feeling of freedom that you get when you have it mastered. 

In times like these, mental health comes first and education second. What makes kids successful in life is their mindset, grit, emotional intelligence, character, work ethic, etc. Not the history of the world or how to solve complicated math questions. That comes with time, but what doesn’t is their childhood experience, and right now, we must make these times as uncomplicated as possible if we want to save the future from bigger problems. So, should schools reopen with the same set up as last year, I stand in a firm YES. Unless they can find a way to simplify and make the process easier, kids shouldn’t go back until schools are comfortable with full time in person education. 

XOXO ♥

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