How to get out of your comfort zone and face your fears
One of my favorite quotes is,” life starts at the end of your comfort zone” aka face your fears. I finished building this website almost two years ago, so trying to blame my lack of blog posts on ‘writers’ block’ is an understatement. While I could blame it on having four boys under the age of 10, and many other life events, the truth is, what held me back were my insecurities. After going on a soul searching bender, I understand why life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Playing life safe keeps you comfortable, but at the same time, it keeps you stuck. When you face your fears, life starts.
Divorcing someone I loved, probably more than I loved myself, was the hardest decision I have ever made. I didn’t want to get divorced, but I knew I had to. It tore me apart and left me feeling lost, broken, dazed, and confused. I was fixated on trying to fix something I had zero control over. I became codependent, but unaware at the time. When we are so focused on someone or something else, we forget about ourselves, or maybe, subconsciously, we are scared to look into who we are, so we live life focusing on our outer experiences. Usually, when we become obsessed or distracted by something, we are subconsciously protecting ourselves from facing ourselves. Its easier to blame our shortcomings on external reasons to stay within our comfort zone, but at what cost?
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Find what makes you uncomfortable and face your fears
If you apply that quote to your own life, you will start to see where your comfort zone lies and where it’s holding you back. Its a step closer to understanding yourself on a deeper level. When I decided I wanted to start a blog, I was all in. I immediately started thinking of blog names, topics, purchased the domain, and started building my website. I had everything done, except for my first blog post. I must have been in my comfort zone, because once the “hard stuff” was done, I never logged back in.
The content wasn’t an issue; I could write for days. I’ve written four business plans, two prototypes, and built four websites. Finally, the lightbulb went off and I began to see the common theme. I do everything that needs to be done behind the scene, but when its time to launch and put myself out there, magically, I lose focus. I keep myself safe by not putting myself out there. I became so good at it, I wasn’t aware I was doing it.
Subconsciously, I had fear of failure, fear of success, (Is it possible to fear both, at the same time?). Fear of putting myself out there from thoughts like, am I good enough, smart enough? What if I fail? What if I’m successful and don’t have time for the things I love? The fears go on and on, but what can’t go on, is my collection of projects that never go beyond my own eyes. I quickly realized, my biggest project would end up being pushing myself outside of my comfort zone.
There was something I read (I can’t remember which book, out of the thousands I now own) that said, you can either fight your fears and be in battle forever or face your fears and forever be free. And so, I started picking my battles one by one. As I began to face my fears, which naturally uncovered my insecurities, I found myself as “cheesy” as that sounds, it’s the truth. As you get to know yourself on a deeper level, you start to love that person and begin to experience what we all desire; self freedom. If the below quote doesn’t impact you, I don’t know what will! These are powerful words.
“We are put on this planet only once, and to limit ourselves to the familiar is a crime against our minds.” —Roger Ebert
How I got out of my comfort zone by tackling my fears:
- The first step was learning to be alone. Love is a powerful thing. It makes you feel alive. It gives you that zest for life. Everyone wants to feel loved, but can you get that same feeling by loving yourself? Well, being alone was the only way to find out, so I did. I shifted my dating needs to a ‘want.’ When you need something, it’s coming from a place of survival. A want is a desire. Of course, I desire a life partner, but I’m not coming from a place of desperation. I’m able to choose a partner that enhances me, and that’s a big difference from needing someone to complete me.
- When things don’t go as planned, I say to myself; SO WHAT, NOW WHAT? It helps me look at the situation through a different lens and reminds me that I hold power to change my circumstances
- I ask myself; What’s the worse that can happen? Don’t let the simplicity of this concept, undervalue the effect it can have. When you take things out of your mind and verbally say them or write them down, two things can happen. You either realize your thoughts were unrealistic, or acknowledge your fear and take back the control. Get comfortable with discomfort.
- If I don’t face my fears, what’s that costing me? Usually, the answer is growth in whatever area you are dealing with. Whether it’s your personal life, job, family, financial security, or future goals. When we are in our comfort zone, we feel safe and secure. Nobody wants to feel uncomfortable, but sometimes we have to make decisions without knowing the outcome
- Have zero expectations for the outcome. When we assume or expect something, the thought of it not happening creates the fear. You have to let go of feeling safe by trying to control the outcome. When you shift the focus from the result to yourself, miracles can happen.
- If you decide to face your fear, and the outcome was your worst-case scenario, go back to step 2 and take back your power.
How To Apply These Steps With Kids
Helping our kids face their fears is a big part of parenting. Whether it’s a monster under their bed, bogeyman, or any other mystical childhood fears. For my 5-year-old, it was monsters under his bed. So, we came up with a plan. First, we would face the fear by looking under the bed (and sheets, because you never know lol) and in the closet. If our fear became real and we found a monster, we would run super-duper fast. So what, now what? So, we have monsters in our house; now we have to move out and find another home. Which is every bit of the truth!
We are all perfectly imperfect. What makes you unique is that there is nobody else in the world like you. Be fearless and continue to be you
There is no right or wrong way to live life. Everyone should be able to design their life based on their own desires. If you understand why life begins at the end of your comfort zone, you can start tackling your fears. Become comfortably uncomfortable. The only person you should compete with is who you were yesterday. If everyone lived in a way that was supportive, non-competitive and coming from a place of love, we would immediately knock out most of the fears and insecurities of the world. Change starts with you.
Someone I admire very much is Sara Blakely. Her story truly inspires me to go after what I want. In this post, I talk about her incredible story. If you look at it like this, there’s not much left to be worried about. Type in the one thing you feel is holding you back, and then take the time to reply with supportive feedback to someone else’s comment. When you give, you always get! Inspire to be inspired.
XOXO,
Sketched by a HAUTEmess ♥
